"You forget all you learned: the process of technique, the
fear, the pain, you even forget who you are. You become one
with the music, the lights, indeed one with the dance."
Shirley MacLaine
"You nervous?" Jordan asked him backstage on the night of February 16th. Justin stared at him through the mirror where he had been staring at himself for the past ten minutes. His face was pale and his eyes wide. "Whoa, are you okay?"
"I'm going to be sick," he said softly and Jordan sat next to him quickly. "I'm going to be so sick."
"Hey," and Jordan placed a hand on Justin's arm. "Hey, just remember that no matter what happens… No matter what happens, you're still a dancer and nothing will ever change that."
"What?" Justin shook his hand and his face got some color back into it. "I'm not worried about the performance." He made a face as if Jordan had said something to make him even sicker. "God, no, I'm not nervous about that."
"Then?"
"I haven't seen the program yet. And I can't bring myself to look at it." Jordan's mouth formed an "O" shape. "If he didn't take up Lance's offer, I'll want to kill him. If he did, I'll hate him because that means he's not going to be here anymore. Then I'll worry about whether or not Kevin will invite me into the company and what word will come flying out of my mouth."
"What?"
Justin looked straight into Jordan's eyes. "If JC didn't take Lance's offer and Kevin invites me into the company, I don't know if I'll say yes."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
*
JC slid gracefully down the row of seats until he took his usual set again with the company in the front mezzanine. The moment he sat down and crossed an ankle over a knee, an open program landed in his lap to a familiar spread. He knew without looking down what the spread said and how it looked. Instead, he turned his face upwards and smiled at Louis."Is this for real?" Louis said blindly.
JC nodded. "It's real. It's final."
"Are you sure?"
"As sure as I've ever been." The lights dimmed and JC waited for the performance to begin.
*
Justin had watched his roommate perform JC's ballet from one of the small televisions set up in the backstage area and grinned, feeling certain that Jordan would be receiving an invitation to join the company that night. When the first ballet ended, Justin stood and stretched himself, closing his eyes to visualize his own dance for the night.By the time he was done, his body was screaming to be looked upon: by the audience, by the lights, by the music. An electric charge was running through his veins and when places were called for Kevin's ballet, the third and final one for the night, Justin ran to the edge of the stage on the tips of his toes. The music started, Justin did pirouettes onto the stage and felt the air ease around him to allow him to move more gracefully.
Everything felt right. The lifts he did were stronger from months of extensive training, more than he'd ever done in his life. His jumps were higher, as if gravity had stopped just for him.
45 minutes from the first time he stepped onto the stage, Justin's body was aching with pleasure and as he took his bow, he thought of how right everything felt and how nothing could bring him down from his high.
*
JC made his way around the backstage area with the ease of someone who had lived there almost his life. In his right hand, he held a rose and in his left, the program was rolled tightly in his fingers. His heart was beating at a rapid pace and he couldn't seem to slow it down.He found Justin easily, grinning and laughing with the other dancers, his face bright with excitement and exhaustion. He saw the grin slip off his face and the other dancers' faces when Elena quieted them down and called the first dancer into the small room off to the side of the backstage area.
"Hey," he said quietly when he walked up behind Justin and the younger dancer turned and grinned bigger, wrapping his arms around JC.
"Everything felt so amazing, like it was my first time dancing again." Justin pulled away and shrugged sheepishly. "It was so great."
"It looked great," JC said quietly, handing the rose to Justin in a simple manner and Justin sniffed it once and smiled his thanks. "Have you seen the program yet?"
Justin's hand which was moving to put the rose down on one of the make-up counters, faltered in its path and Justin swallowed, "No. Not yet." JC unrolled the program and opened it to a spread towards the back of the small booklet and he handed it to Justin. "I," he began.
"Justin Timberlake," Elena called out and Justin's breath hitched as he turned to the choreographer. "Kevin is ready for you."
He turned his head back to JC, his eyes staying on his face as he brought a hand up to brush against JC's fingers that were still holding onto the program. He slid them away slowly, keeping his eyes locked on JC's until he finally turned away to follow Elena into the room.
*